5 Signs of a Domestic Abuser
Contrary to what many may believe, domestic violence is not just an issue associated with women in lower income brackets. It can span across all income levels and sexual orientations of both women and men. It also takes on many forms such as physical, emotional, verbal and financial abuse.
Here are 5 different potential behaviors associated with abusive relationships. Please note, just because someone has one of these attributes does not imply he or she is a batterer. These are just signs to watch out for.
5 Signs of Domestic Violence
Jealousy: At the start of the relationship, an abuser will equate jealously with love. The abuser will question the victim about who the victim talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or become jealous of time spent with others. The abuser may call the victim frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch the victim.
Controlling behavior: In the beginning an abuser will attribute controlling behavior to concern for the victim (for example, the victim's safety or decision-making skills). As this behavior progresses the situation will worsen, and the abuser may assume all control of finances or prevent the victim from coming and going freely.
Isolation/ Unrealistic expectations: An abuser will attempt to isolate the victim by severing the victim's ties to outside support and resources. The batterer will accuse the victim's friends and family of being "trouble makers." The abuser may block the victim's access to use of a vehicle, work, or telephone service in the home. An abuser expects the victim to meet all of the abuser's needs, to take care of everything emotionally and domestically.
Blames others for problems: An abuser will blame others for all problems or for the abuser's own shortcomings. Someone is always out to get the abuser or is an obstacle to the abuser's achievements. The victim or potential victim will be blamed for almost anything.
Verbal abuse: This behavior involves saying things that are intended to be cruel and hurtful, cursing or degrading the victim, or putting down the victim's accomplishments. An abuser has a low self-esteem. To feel power, he or she must make the other person feel small and insignificant.
The cycle of abuse has been known to become a codependent relationship that is a viscous circle.Often times the abuser will apologize profusely to the victim after an incident, promising to never do it again and asking forgiveness.Perhaps evenblaming comes into play here. “If you hadn’t done such and such, I wouldn’t have had to get so angry”.A remorseful abuser can put the victim in a position of power as he/she holds all the keys to whether or not to forgive the perpetrator.The balance of power then shifts back to the abuser and thus this cycle continues on and on until someone breaks it.
How To Manage Domestic Violence
Here’s the truth. An abuser or attacker doesn’t want to work that hard. Most of these types of people are bullies and want the easy way out. They aren’t powerful, so they look for someone less powerful to make themselves feel better. They aren’t coming after someone who is strong, confident, grounded, unshakeable, and who will fight back.
So, learn how to FIGHT BACK. Get powerful, get strong, take a stand.
Self defense training will teach a victim the tools to fight back, physically and mentally against an abuser. It will also create a proactive approach in not being chosen as a victim again. This is huge! Imagine being “passed over” by that domestic abuser or random attacker because you’re just too bad ass to mess with. How would that feel?
Self defense training will make you powerful, confident, and completely un-messable-with.
Our goal at Team Fireball, Inc. is not just to teach people how to deliver a perfect karate move. Although clients will learn some techniques to defend themselves in case of physical attack, what’s most important is learning the mental self-defense and self-confidence techniques that could limit or eliminate a physical attack in the first place.
Our company has a social conscience mission to end the cycle of violence and empower domestic violence victims by training them through fitness and self-defense training. Changing their physical strength will eventually change their mindset.